Top Ten: Bolivia

So now you know about the Top Ten things I expect to be waiting for me when I wheel 80 pounds of luggage out of the arrivals gate at JFK (family: take notes). In case you missed it, you can read that installment here: Jessica's Top Ten - U.S.A. 

But, you might be wondering, those are the things you miss from home. What things will you miss from Bolivia once you actually go home?

Well, I'm so glad you asked that, random reader - who more-than-likely is really my mother (hey, Mom) - and here is the answer:

Top Ten Things I Will Miss From Bolivia

1. Salteñas

How to describe salteñas to someone who has never had one? For my British readers, they're *kinda* like a Cornish pasty…but not really. For my American readers, they're kinda like…nothing we really have at home. Unless you count shepherds' pie, which we also stole from the British. A salteña is a baked pastry that is filled with meat (chicken or beef), egg, peas, potato, broth and spices. Here at Los Castores you can get dulce (sweet), normal (a little spice), or picante (spicy); the latter two come with an olive inside, but you can throw that away, because it's nasty. The first weekend at home when I wake up and shout ¡Salteña Sábado! (Salteña Saturday!) is going to be one of the biggest let-downs of my life. 

2. "Easy" International Travel

Having been raised in the United States but also having traveled quite a bit, I am constantly reminded of how much easier the rest of the world has it. Europeans, Central and South Americans and Asians all (generally) live in locations that are considerably more conducive to international travel. For example, on my two week break, I traveled to Perú and Chile (read about our adventures here:) and the flights cost me $525 round-trip, including taxes. For the same price I can fly 3/4 of the way to England and then get booted out of the emergency exit somewhere over the northern edge of the Atlantic. I would call 'not-fairsies' but I'm 24 and the people at ticketing usually look down on me for behavior such as that. The moral of the story is this: if you happen to live in a part of the world where you border several other countries, PLEASE take advantage and enjoy the easy travel; if you don't have that option, try your best to take a big trip to somewhere far-far away and then hit several countries in one vacation. You won't get to do it a lot, so do it right. 

Cue international backlash in: 3, 2, 1…

3. Getting to Call People 'Gordito'

In America, it is generally frowned upon to run around shouting 'fatty!' at people in life. However, in Bolivia (and other Spanish-speaking countries?) the word gordito or gordita  (literally 'chubby' or 'little fat one') can be considered a term of endearment. For example, spray-painted on a wall around the corner from my apartment are the words 'Te amo, gordita' which some pimply-faced 15-year-old presumably tagged for his beloved GF. Apparently this is actually a nice thing to do for a loved one….but maybe not your abuelita or your mother-in-law. 

4. Extremely Cheap Mani/Pedis

Not much to say here expect that manicures in Cochabamba cost 20 bolivianos (~$3) and pedicures cost 30 bolivianos (~$4.50). To put this into perspective, a polish change in Philadelphia costs about $8, a manicure about $15 and a pedicure about $25…and then you have to add a tip. Tipping here is a not customary and happens more often in restaurants than anywhere else. When I go big and get my hair cut and a mani/pedi, it sets me back 120 bolivianos, or one fairly-priced U.S. manicure and half the tip. 

5. Awkward Bi-Language Interactions

Sure, my Spanish is getting better and I can have conversations with friends and store clerks when I want/need to; however, living in a country where you are not fluent in the local lingo and most people don't speak English can pose its fair share of problems. See: trying to explain different vitamins at the pharmacy when you forgot to look up the Spanish word for calcium prior to your visit. For those of you out there with similar issues, Google image search is a godsend. Most South American countries import U.S. products if it is an uncommon item, so the packaging will look the same or similar and you can get your point across and not end up with foot creme when all you wanted was some St. John's Wort. 

6. Extremely Cheap Rent

When I lived in Philadelphia and I found a one-bedroom in the city for $725, I thought I'd really made it. Here I looked at several places, all somewhere around the Bs. 1,000-1,200 / month mark. In dollars that's about $150-175. Depending on your city and how nice the apartment is (and whether it is furnished or not), you might pay as much as $250. Now, given my $500 / month salary that kind of rent can be pretty steep, however, not unmanageable. In the end I found a house with an empty bottom floor and now I rent my own bedroom, mini-living room, kitchen and bathroom (plus storage space) for 550 bolivianos ($80) a month. Yeah, you read that right. But hey - don't forget the whopping 80 bolivianos I set aside for utilities in addition to my rent. That really breaks the bank. 

7. Silpancho

Bolivianos love, love, love their carbs. And silpancho is a perfect example. This dish comes with rice and thick-cut french fries on the bottom, a thinly-sliced piece of meat covering that and a fried egg on top. Add in the tiny sliced onions and you're golden. Plus, if you throw all that crap into a bun, you get trancapecho - another traditional meal with even more carbs! 

8. Extremely Cheap Cab Fares

Okay, so we know spa services and rent are cheap, but what about the taxi cabs? You're in luck, my friend, because not only are the taxi fares cheap and unmetered, they can sometimes be haggled down. This usually depends on the journey and number of passengers. A normal cab ride from one part of town to another will cost about 7-8 bolivianos; a ride to the bus station (10 minutes without traffic, 20 minutes in a jam) is about 15 bolivianos. The highest fare I have ever paid in Bolivia was in La Paz, where a taxi from the airport to the bus station (25-30 minutes) cost me 60 bolivianos. In Cocha things are a little cheaper than La Paz, so don't pay more than 10 bolivianos for a basic cab ride and always agree on a price with the driver before you get in.

9. Del Valle Juice

Bolivia proudly presents Jugo Del Valle (Juice of the Valley) to the masses! Well…to the Bolivian masses. These juices are hecho en Bolivia (made in Bolivia) and are delicious. As most Bolivians do not drink beer or wine with meals, juice becomes the most common beverage to see out at a restaurant. They come in a variety of flavors including manzana (apple), durazno (peach) and tumbo (a local fruit we don't have in the States, similar to passionfruit). 

10. My Awesome Pink Car Phone

Story time: so when I was first in Bolivia and it dawned on us that there was absolutely, unequivocally no way to make my iPhone work (thanks, Verizon), I had to go out to la cancha and buy a mobile phone with a SIM card. I browsed and I compared and eventually I settled on a practical model imported from China, which looks like this:

The headlights light up and when the phone turns on or off it makes a very loud revving noise. The phone also comes with one "non-ringtone ringtone" so when people call me it plays Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' because, damnit, I demand to be respected by my students and my colleagues. Who else thinks this phone did the trick? No one? Awesome…