The Final Chapter

Apologies, as this is certainly coming months after it should have. However, I am finally getting around to typing up a Z-shaped bookend to 'An American Girl in Cochabamba'. I do this for you, my kind and devoted readers, for whom I wish I could continue living in South America and chronicling exciting adventures.

Alas, my year in Bolivia came to an end last November, and I made it back to New York in time to stuff my face with a traditional Thanksgiving feast.

Before leaving, I made the definitive decision not to return to Cochabamba in 2014. This was not because I disliked Bolivia or had had an awful experience during my AGiC days, but more so because I was ready to move on to new ventures. First and foremost, I wanted to have an extended stopover at home so I could spend time with family and friends, most of whom I had been distant from (both geographically and possibly emotionally) for many years. Following college, I chose to forgo the charm of small-town America for city life and foreign landscapes. These, I found, appealed to my senses in a way Middle-of-Nowhere, USA never could.

Additionally, I had felt a pang of guilt upon missing my niece's second birthday, and I vowed to stick around for her next one. I made good on this pledge, and I am very glad I did - not only because I was treated to Chuck E. Cheese mini-pizzas and the thrill of token-operated children's games, although that was doubtless a plus.

My plan was to live and work in a one-horse town for as long as I could stand, and devote what time I could to the family and friends from whom I had been apart. This lasted an impressive six months before I began to feel utterly entombed, and my mind started to wander where my body could not. As much as I would have liked to stay nearby my family, America - especially small-town America - and I had never seen eye-to-eye.

25 years on-and-off is a fair run, and no one can say I didn't give it the good 'ole college try. But, it was never meant to be, and I fancied a move back to my home country. I am very lucky in a number of ways, not least being that I arranged a long, drawn-out goodbye period before I actually left for England. I wanted to spend the time I had with my family, knowing it was be some time before I saw them again.

Additionally, I knew I had an extended family to return to in the UK. My aunts, uncles, cousins and their children all live within relative proximity to one another. Now I get to indulge in another, well-missed, side of my rather large extended family. Having a safety net await you at Heathrow makes the leap slightly less seismic.

So, perhaps not quite as daring as my Bolivian escapade, but a thrilling new chapter in my life all the same.

For those of you who are interested, I have put up a post re: the recent move (interwoven with musings on Bill Bryson and his own ex-pat exploits) on one of my other blogs. You can read that here: http://trynabeagrownup.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/the-continent-i-lost.html and don't forget to continue following my latest adventures (and share them with your friends!) as I post them.

Thank you all for allowing me to share my personal reflections with you during this undertaking. What a fantastic journey 'An American Girl in Cochabamba' was!

And now, as my father would say, "Onwards and upwards!" - I'll be waiting for you on the other side.

- Jessica

My Food Map

Yes, this is going to be exactly what it sounds like. Whenever I go away for a long period of time, I like to plan what restaurants I'll be visiting and what meals I'll be eating AS SOON AS I GET BACK STATESIDE. Literally - I mean, on the way home from the airport.

Behold the route I shall follow while I enjoy America's favorite pastime: over-indulgence.

Oh, yeah - this is happening.

Overwhelmed? Let me take you through the list:

Phase One: Settling Back In

• On the drive home from the airport, we'll hit up a Dunkin' Donuts. I plan to gorge myself on donuts and bagels, because apparently 10 months in Bolivia hasn't been enough carbs.
• Head home to Dad's house where he will slave over spaghetti and lasagna and I will eat my body weight in parmesan cheese.

Phase Two: Local Favorites

• The Round Tuit is a must-have stop on my epic food journey. Dale will be surreptitiously pessimistic and the food will be amazing. Win-win. 
• Two words: Panera Bread. 
• Sticking around Kingston for some of Uncle Russ' famous home-cooking. Maybe he'll get me a cheesecake like he did for my farewell party (hint). 

Phase Three: The China Buffet, Part 1

• We now venture to Golden Ginza, the hibachi restaurant on the Rondout  in Kingston, where I will be wowed by onion volcanoes and extremely fast chopping. 
• Shoot up to Mass. for a visit to the Luau Hale Restaurant in Lenox. Scorpion bowls for starters and maybe some bowling on the way back (gotta work off those calories somehow!) 

Phase Four: Old-School Dining

• Also on the ride home: the Friendly's in West Springfield, MA. I'm going to get an ice cream with a face on it, because - why not?
• Like all good minions of the Queen, I fully intend on spending some time at a British pub (or at least a fairly-good replica of one): Limey's Pub in Canaan for some pints and classic shepherd's pie...or a bangers 'n mash...or...

Phase Five: The China Buffet, Part 2

• After a brief rest from the chinese/japanese restaurants, it's back to my hometown for some China Inn dumplings and fried rice. Of course, the Golden Wok in Millerton will have to complement, because we all know their chicken and broccoli is way better than China Inn's. 

Phase Six: South of the Border

• While we're in Millerton we should probably stop by Salsa Fresca and get some mexican food. It would be rude not to say hi...

Phase Seven: Salute to Rocky and the Fresh Prince

• At some point in December, my sister and I plan to head down to Philadelphia (my old stomping ground). If anyone lets me leave the City of Brotherly Love without inhaling at least two cheesesteaks from Jim's on South Street, feel free to start making trouble in my neighborhood. 
• Final stop: Fado Irish Pub on Locust. Refer to the section on Limey's for my menu contemplations. 

Well, folks, that about does it. Feeling hungry yet? You know where I'll be...

About Bolivia

Here is a slightly-belated post to give you some basic information on the country of Bolivia. I wrote this for the school website, but that has not gone up yet. SO, it is going up on here instead.

Enjoy the post in English and in Spanish (below)

Official Name: Plurinational State of Bolivia

Capital: Sucre

Current President: Evo Morales (Socialist)

Languages Spoken: Spanish, Guarani, Aymara and Quechua

Currency and Exchange: Bolivianos (~7 BOB to 1 USD)

Bolivia is one of only two landlocked countries in South America; the country borders Paraguay (the second landlocked nation), Perú, Argentina, Chile and Brazil. Bolivia is home to over 200,000 square miles of Amazonian forest, as well as a portion of the Andes mountain range and Lake Titicaca. In addition to Spanish, which is widely spoken, Bolivia recognizes a total of 37 other native languages. Important holidays in Bolivia include Carnaval, Viernes Santo (Good Friday), Día de la Patria (Independence Day), and Todos Santos (All Saint's Day). 

The country of Bolivia is divided into nine territories, referred to a 'departments': Pando, La Paz, Beni, Cochabamba, Santa Cruz, Oruro, Potosí, Chuquisaca and Tarija. Although the city of Sucre is considered the constitutional capital, La Paz and Santa Cruz are the two most densely populated cities in Bolivia. Oruro is another well-known city, famous for its Carnaval celebrations in February. 

Colegio Despertad is located in the central department of Cochabamba, and the city is Bolivia's third-largest. Cochabamba is best known for its temperate climate and El Cristo de la Concordia, the word's tallest statue of Jesus Christ.* The department of Cochabamba also boats three national parks: Carrasco National Park, Tunari National Park and Isiboro Sécure National park. 

* Many believe that the statue of Jesus Christ in Río de Janero (Brazil) is the tallest statue of its kind. However, Cochabamba's statue is considered taller by official standards because the pedestals are not not counted as part of the statue itself.

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Bolivia es uno de los países de Sud America sin litoral; el pais limita con Paraguay (la segunda nación sin litoral), Perú, Argentina, Chile y Brasil. Bolivia es hogar de mas de 200,000 millas cuadradas de selva Amazonica, así como una parte de la cordillera de los Andes y el Lago Titicaca. Ademas de español, que es hablado por la mayoria, Bolivia reconoce un total de 37 lenguas nativas. 

Feriados importantes en Bolivia incluyen a Carnavales, Viernes Santo, Día de la Patria y Todos Santos. El pais de Bolivia está dividido en nueve territorios denominados "departamentos": Pando, La Paz, Beni, Cochabamba, Santa Cruz, Oruro, Potosí, Chuquisaca y Tarija. Aunque la ciudad de Sucre es considerada la capital constitucional, La Paz y Santa Cruz son las dos ciudades mas densamente pobladas de Bolivia. Oruro es otra ciudad muy conocida, famosa por sus celebraciones de Carnavales en Febrero. 

El Colegio Despertad está ubicado en el departamento central de Cochabamba, y la tercera ciudad mas grande de Bolivia. Cochabamba es conocida pur su clima templado y El Cristo de la Concordia, la estatua mas alta de Jesucristo en el mundo. El departamento de Cochabamba también cuenta con tres parques nacionales: el Parque Nacional Carrasco, Parque Nacional Tunari y Parque Nacional Isiboro Sécure. 

Oruro: Buses, Hostels and Restaurants

I recently took a mini-vacation out of Cochabamba. Many of the country's hot-spot cities are set rather far apart, but all major cities are easily accessible by bus. Oruro is a 4 hour drive from Cbba, but if your bus makes a lot of stops or hits traffic it may take 4 1/2 to 5 hours. 

Here is some basic information about my trip to Oruro: how I got there and back, where I stayed and where I ate. If you are planning on visiting Oruro, this will be a good guide for your stay. 

Buses

Route: Cochabamba --> Oruro

Company: Naser

Cost: Bs. 25 for a semi-cama seat

Time: 4 hours and 40 minutes

This bus left a little late (10.17 instead of 10 a.m.), but the semi-cama seat was very comfortable and once we were on the road we made good time. The price was also very good for this service and trip length. The only hiccoughs were when one of the drivers jumped off the moving bus to buy a watermelon (and subsequently jumped back on the still-moving bus), and when a herd of donkeys slowed our progress along one of the roads. Other than that - smooth sailing.

I definitely recommend Naser buses. 

** The Cochabamba bus terminal charges a tax of bs. 2.50 for all outbound journeys. Tickets can be bought separately at a kiosk near the front entrance. **

Route: Oruro --> Cochabamba 

Company: Trans-Azul

Cost: Bs. 30 for a normal seat

Time: 5 hours

I switched bus companies on the way back to Cbba because Naser did not have a 5 p.m. bus scheduled. This bus left right on time and the seat was reasonably comfortable, however it was a little overpriced for a non-cama seat. Normally buses in Bolivia have their "regular" seats upstairs and their semi-cama or cam seats downstairs; however, I do not believe this particular bus had a bottom floor. That meant that only regular seats were available. Additionally, this bus insisted on playing music and then movies, which I personally dislike on a bus trip. The music was far too loud and was stopped and started over again four times; then a movie was put in, and that was stopped and started three times before the driver settled on 'World War Z' in Spanish, without subtitles. Afterward they showed 3/4 of a 'Fast and Furious' installment, also in Spanish and without subtitles. This bus made more stops than usual and the trip took a full five hours. 

I would not recommend this bus company. 

** The Oruro bus terminal charges a tax of bs. 1.50 for all outbound journeys. Tickets can be bought separately at the door to the bus dock, so be prepared to have your change ready alongside your ticket. **

Hostel

Name: Hostel Graciela / Explorer's Inn

Cost: Bs. 60 per person, per night

Address: Calle Herrera #47, between 6 de Agosto and Bacovick

Amenities: Private rooms, En-suite bathroom, Hot Water, Free Breakfast, Free Wi-fi, TV in Room, Great Staff

Website: http://www.explorersinnoruro.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Explorersinnoruro/311811778856284

Seeing that I was a solo traveler with a limited budget and only planned to stay one night in Oruro, I chose to go the cheapest route possible. Hostel Graciela is a fairly small hostel, but it offers two floors of private and group rooms, plus a breakfast room on the third floor. The free breakfast was typically South American: coffee and tea, yoghurt and bread. The room and bathroom were small, but clean, and the shower had very hot water. The wi-fi was not working during my stay, but I believe it usually does. The TV worked just fine and had 90 or so channels to choose from; I even found a news channel in English (CNN), which I appreciated. 

The clientele at Hostel Graciela ranged from young backpackers to full families, but the atmosphere was neither rowdy nor loud. I also managed to get to know two fellow travelers (24-year-old man and woman from England) and we spent the day seeing the sights of Oruro together. I felt very comfortable at Hostel Graciela and was not uneasy about interacting with the staff or the other travelers. 

The staff was very helpful and the younger staff spoke English. I would recommend this hostel as a cheap, comfortable place to crash for a few nights in Oruro. 

** Heads up: The staff at Hostel Graciela will take your picture outside of the hostel upon your departure. They use these for their Facebook page. **

Restaurants

Name: Bravo's Grill

Address: Calle Montesinas

Hours: 4 p.m. to 10.30 p.m. )Wednesday - Saturday) and noon 3 p.m. (Sunday)

Price Range: Bs. 35-72 per main dish

I enjoyed my dinner at Bravo's Grill in Oruro. The young woman at the desk in my hostel gave me directions to two different restaurants, one of which had been shut down and the other no one had heard of. So, I was stuck wandering around Oruro at 8 at night and stumbled across Bravo's Grill. 

The menu was fairly small, but comprehensive: A la Parilla (From the Grill), A la Carta, Pasta, Piqué (Small Dishes), Pescados y Mariscos (Fish and Seafood) and a complementary salad bar. The atmosphere was very quiet and low-key, especially for a saturday night (8.30-9.30) and most tables were couples. 

The waitress presented all drinks and the check on a small silver platter, which added a nice touch of class. She was very friendly and helpful regarding food and drink choices. 

Wine can be bought by the glass or by the bottle, and bottles of local wines (Campos de Solana) are offered in 375 ml or 750 ml portions. A 375 ml bottle of Campos de Solana runs about bs. 50, while a glass costs bs. 25; the wine glasses at Bravo's Grill are fairly small, so if you plan to have more than one glass you are better off getting a bottle. The pasta portions were huge (see below), although my waitress described them as "normal".

I took my leftovers back to the hostel

I would recommend Bravo's Grill for dinner in Oruro.

Name: Confitería Center

Price Range: Bs. 6-11 per small dishes; Bs. 50 per main dish

Confitería Center is nothing special, however, it was one of the only restaurants open at 1 in the afternoon. The menu includes empanadas, sandwiches and full plates. The sandwiches were not very large, but were tasty and filling. This restaurant also serves more "classic Bolivian" dishes, including Pique Macho.

The restaurant itself was pretty empty and service was, well…Bolivian. The only beer offered here was Huari, which is brewed in Oruro, and the only size was a liter bottle (bs. 16). Soft drinks and water were also available.

I would recommend Confitería Center if you are having trouble finding food elsewhere. 

** It should be noted that Oruro is not packed with restaurants and (in true Bolivian style) many are closed at random times of the day. I suggest finding a list of restaurants before you travel so you can be better prepared - and not starve. **

Spanish 101: What NOT to Say

Learning new languages can be a tricky business, especially since every language has its own rules and its own quirks. This can often lead to mistakes - usually fairly funny ones (you'll remember my own German verb mix-up from an earlier post 'Learning a New Language…'). 

However, if you are learning Spanish and wish to avoid some of the more common errors, here is a list of easily-confused words and phrases:

• Él (he) vs. El (masculine 'the')

What to Say: Él es un buen hombre.
What it Means: He is a good man.

What to Say: ¿Donde está el baño?
What it Means: Where is the bathroom?

• Tú (singular, informal 'you') vs. Tu (your)

What to Say: Tú estás tarde.
What it Means: You are late.

What to Say: Yo tengo tu mochila.
What it Means: I have your backpack.

** Look for a post on 'Tú/Tu/Tuyo/Usted' soon-to-come. Very easy to confuse, but not interchangeable at all **

• Éxito (success) vs. Salida (exit)

What to Say: ¿Donde está la salida?
What is Means: Where is the exit?

What NOT to say: ¿Donde está el éxito?
What it Means: Where is the success?

** I.E. the latter is basically nonsense **

• Cansado (tired) vs. Casado (married)

What to Say: Estoy cansado/a.
What it Means: I'm tired.

What to Say: Estoy casado/a.
What it Means: I'm married.

• Un Poquito (a little bit) vs. Un Piquito (little kiss)

What to Say: Si, yo hablo un poquito de Español.

What it Means: Yes, I speak a little Spanish.

What NOT to Say: Yo quiero un piquito.

What it Means: I want a little kiss.

** This one is a Bolivian colloquialism, I am told. But this did happen to me and people laughed; you've been warned. **

• Avergonzado (embarrassed) vs. Embarazada (pregnant)

What to Say: ¡Estoy muy avergonzado!

What it Means: I am so embarrassed/ashamed!

What to Say: ¡Estoy embarazada!

What it Means: I'm pregnant

What NOT to Say: ¡Estoy muy embarazada!

What it Means: I am so pregnant!

** Unless, you know...you are SUPER PREGNANT. But, if you're embarrassed/apologizing, don't use 'embarazada' **

• Mamá(s) (informal 'mothers') vs. Mamas (boobs)

What to Say: ¡Feliz Día de la Madre a mi mamá hermosa! 

What it Means: Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mommy!

What NOT to Say: ¡Feliz Día de las Mamas a mi madre hermosa! 

What it Means: Happy Breasts Day to my my beautiful mother!

• Papá(s) (informal 'fathers') vs. Papa (potato)

What to Say: Mi papá es un maestro. 

What it Means: My dad is a teacher. 

What to Say: Yo quiero papas fritas.

What it Means: I want french fries.

What NOT to Say: Mi papa vive en Nueva York. 

What it Means: My potato lives in New York.

• Año (year) vs. Ano (anus)

What to Say: Tengo veinticuatro años.

What it Means: I am twenty-four years old.

What NOT to Say: Tengo veinticuatro anos.

What it Means: I have twenty-four anuses. 

** I apologize for the lewdness of this example, but this is not a mistake you want to make and the words are very similar! Unless you're completing your medical residence in a Spanish-speaking country, try to avoid use of the latter word at all costs. You're welcome. **

• Perro (dog) vs. Pero (but)

What to Say: Mi familia tiene dos perros, pero no tiene gatos. 

What it Means: My family has two dogs, but has no cats. 

• Perra (female dog / slang for 'bitch') vs. Pera (pear)

What to Say: ¿Tienes jugo de pera?

What it Means: Do you have pear juice?

What NOT to Say: ¿Tienes perras? 

What it Means: Do you have bitches? 

** Numbers 5 and 6 can be easily avoided, because the double R is a specific sound in Spanish. A word with a 'rr' should be pronounced by rolling the tongue. However, for those of us who were not blessed with such a talent, awkwardness ensues. **

• Sí (yes) vs. Si (if)

What to Say: Sí, tengo la película. 

What it Means: Yes, I have the movie.

What to Say: Yo voy, si quieres. 

What it Means: I am going, if you want. 

• Cerveza (beer) vs. Cereza (cherry)

What to say: ¿Quieres otra cerveza?

What it Means: Do you want another beer?

What to Say: Soy alérgico a las cerezas. 

What it Means: I am allergic to cherries. 

• Pato (duck) vs. Pavo (turkey)

What to Say: Un pato es una mascota rara. 

What it Means: A duck is a weird pet.

What to say: Mi madre cocina pavo el Día de Acción de Gracias.

What it Means: My mother cooks turkey on Thanksgiving. 

• Jamón (ham) vs. Jabón (soap)

What to Say: Quiero un sandwich de jamón.

What it Means: I want a ham sandwich.

What to Say: ¿Tenemos jabón en el baño?

What it Means: Do we have soap in the bathroom?

Bottom Ten: Bolivia

And now, as we are a fair and balanced blog, I present the Top Ten things I won't be missing when I leave Bolivia (a.k.a.: The Bottom Ten).

Top Ten Things I Won't Miss From Bolivia

1. Catcalls

I've traveled to a fair number of countries and I've lived in a major American city; however, over months of painstaking and well-documented research, I have determined that Bolivia is the worst place I have ever been in terms of men catcalling at women on the streets. A common occurrence for local women (especially on weekends and at night), the lewd behavior rate rises dramatically if you are a foreigner. Whistles, yelling out of passenger-side windows, verbal abuse once my back is turned - you name it, I've dealt with it here. One guy actually stopped his minivan (yeah…) and asked if I wanted to get in, while another chased me across traffic and a half-mile down the street to see if I wanted to "chat" (I didn't). But at least that man had the decency to hit on me to my face, unlike most others who pretend nothing happened when you shoot them the stink eye. Grow up, Bolivia. Grow. Up. 

2. The Foreign-Accent Syndrome

Approximately every other time I go to the grocery store one of the cashiers insists on acting like my three's (tres) sound like sixes (seis). One can only assume that this is because the two words rhyme in Spanish, but where on earth they are getting the 's' sound confused with the 'tr' sound is beyond me. The most frustrating thing about learning and using a foreign language is probably what I call "The Foreign Accent Syndrome", during which a local refuses to accept that you are speaking their language because you don't have the accent down perfectly. I hereby apologize for being physically incapable of rolling my R's or rattling off Spanish like it's my mother-tongue, but don't act like you don't understand me just because I'm a gringa. 

3. Spotty Internet Service

If numbers 3 an 4 occurred in the States, consumers would go insane and demand refunds. But when you live in developing areas, there are certain limitations you have to come to terms with. One of those things is poor internet service. This certainly isn't the case everywhere, but unless you pay for the utmost premium service (and most people and places don't), expect to lose your internet connection or have slow service fairly often. This wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't interfere directly with 1) video watching, because letting YouTube clips buffer  here can drive you insane, 2) my blogging, which I need to be able to save as I go along, and 3) Skyping home to my family. But, hey: there are worse things in life…

4. Spotty Water Service

…like when some of your water goes out and the rest stays on. Of course, there is no rhyme or reason to this, and the only conclusion I can draw is this: the shower, kitchen sink and backyard pump are all attached to one water system, while the bathroom toilet and sink are connected to something else. Why? I have no fricking clue. Personally, I'd prefer my utilities to crap out (pardon the pun) in this order: outdoor pump, kitchen sink, shower, bathroom sink and finally the toilet. But I never seem to get my way. Get it together, Bolivia - this is nonsense. 

5. Juice With Dinner

As I mentioned in a previous post (Jessica's Top Ten: Bolivia), Del Valle juice is delicious. However, I'm a goddamn grown-up and grown-ups don't drink apple juice with dinner. They. Just. Don't. (They don't drink chocolate milk, either, for the record). Although the occasional whipper-snapper (read: people around or under 30) will man up and order a light, yet refreshing-enough beer* with their meal, most people I know here imbibe one of the following: juice, soda or water. If you don't want to have an adult beverage with your food, then fine, but don't go around drinking juice with your steak or having a coke with every single meal. Apparently here most people find it "weird" to have beer or wine with dinner, but I'm pretty used to getting looked at like a freak, so I just do what I want. "Señor, una cerveza, por favor!"

*Seriously, Bolivia: where's all the real beer? Take a cue from Germany and do it right. 

6. Spanish-Dubbed TV

Not that I ever really want to be watching "Deadliest Catch" on TV, but if I do, don't voiceover the original speech in Spanish. Translated and dubbed TV and films are the bane of bi-lingual speakers the world over; for starters, the jokes and intricacies just doesn't translate well into other languages and the translations never seem to do a very good job. Every person I know here who speaks English would prefer to watch the original movie or show, rather than watch it with dubbing. Voiceovers take away from the main attraction and force your head to explode by focusing on one of two voices: the first, a tiny background voice and the second, a louder competing translation. When I watch Spanish movies, I keep the original language settings intact; why would I ruin the original by forcing a dumbed-down English voiceover into the mix?

7. Extremely Expensive Imports

Most foods and items that can be locally produced are pretty cheap in Bolivia. However, most supermarkets and stores insist on showing off their 'Imported Goods' section, where the prices are bound to skyrocket. Peanut butter, for example, doesn't get made in Bolivia. This means you have to buy a foreign brand such as Jif or Peter Pan; it also means you're going to get royally screwed at check-out. Parmesan cheese is another food item that grates me (get it?) here in Bolivia. Regarding the magical pasta-topper that is parmesan, I get two options: a 40g non-resealable bag imported from Argentina (Bs. 6.30), or a two-pound cylinder of Kraft parmesan (Bs. 112). Now, considering the fact that I put away approximately 200 bolivianos for groceries every week, I'm not about to spend 56% of that money on a hilariously oversized bottle of parmesan cheese. And don't get me wrong: I frickin' LOVE parmesan cheese, but that's just a stupid purchase. Apparently, having an option somewhere between teeny-tiny and Andre the Giant never occurred to local supermarket stockers. 

** Apple products are also incredibly expensive here. Although most people love to show off their fancy iPhones (unlocked and tampered with, of course), nobody owns MacBooks because its impossible to download pirated software onto them. Therefore, when my charger cord gave out, I had to go to an Apple store in Cocha where they charged me an outrageous $107 just for a new charger. My other option was to brave the most dangerous part of town where stolen goods are re-sold and hope that someone had been mugged of their MacBook charger. Not a very tempting offer. **

8. Beggars, Street Performers and Stoplight Sellers

Although larger American cities have their fair share of homeless men and women*, we don't have the abundance of child beggars and random jugglers that many developing nations seem to play host to. I found this to be the case in South Africa as well as Bolivia, and it is not uncommon in these places for poverty-stricken parents to send their kids out to earn a living. In Cocha, every street has at least one child selling candy, trying to wash car windows or asking for money from passerby. In addition to the kids, there are adults who sell items, beg for money or "entertain" you with otherwise useless skills such as fire-throwing and other acrobatic feats. Street performers also tend to get irrationally offended if you don't give them money, despite the fact that you never asked them to juggle for you in the first place. Incidentally, I found the number of people selling items or asking for money on the streets much lower in Perú and Chile, which suggests that their stronger economy also minimizes begging and unpaid performances. 

*Anyone else been heckled by the drug-addled woman on Broad Street in Philly, or am I just a special target?

** Don't even get me started on mariachi bands; if I wanted someone to come along and bring my conversation to a grinding halt, I'd hire an unfit P.E. teacher to come talk about sex-ed. I saw that in a movie once…**

9. Being a Teacher

Anyone who knows me well knows that I always said I would never be a teacher. Well, I guess Justin Bieber got one thing right when he touted the age-old adage of "Never Say Never" (thanks, Biebs). The offer of living abroad in South America (where I had always wanted to visit and which would force me to learn a new language) was just too alluring, so I figured I'd give it a shot and follow in my father's footsteps. Turns out, I was right all along. Some people are cut out to be teachers, but I'm just not one of them. The experience has been pretty awesome and has pushed me well out of my comfort zone, which is good; there are parts of my job that I love and teaching has proven to be extremely rewarding for me. However, I don't think I would want to do it for the rest of my life. I'm a firm believer that we only regret the experiences we didn't take, so I'm glad I took advantage and tried something new, fun and challenging. 

10. Hand-Washing My Clothes 

My first load of washing-machine washed and dryer dried clothes at home is going to be bliss. I'm awkwardly protective over my clothes and their cleanliness, so I dislike the fact that I have to use a dry cleaner for all my pants, shirts, etc. However, it would be pretty impossible to properly wash and dry all my clothes without that help, and the cleaners do a pretty good job. Those things that I can wash, I do, but that means an hour or more of hand-washing in the backyard basin for two-to-three days of clean-ish clothing. Human beings simply cannot wash clothes as well as a machine, and if you think you can, you're wrong (and crazy).* Some items are also impossible to hand-wash, such as sheets. Needless to say, my dad should expect a marked increase in the water bill for the first week or so that I'm home, enjoying the luxuries of first-world American living. 

* Blog post to help you hand-wash your clothes soon-to-come.

** It should also be noted that loose-leaf tea doesn't really exist in Bolivia…or least, I have yet to find it. Having been raised in a British household, this is an absolute atrocity. I eagerly await my first cup of properly-brewed Irish Breakfast tea upon my arrival home. Until then, I just have to close my eyes and think of England. For the record, I found loose-leaf tea in Santiago. Point: Chile.**

See also: Jessica's Top Ten - Bolivia and Jessica's Top Ten - U.S.A

Top Ten: Bolivia

So now you know about the Top Ten things I expect to be waiting for me when I wheel 80 pounds of luggage out of the arrivals gate at JFK (family: take notes). In case you missed it, you can read that installment here: Jessica's Top Ten - U.S.A. 

But, you might be wondering, those are the things you miss from home. What things will you miss from Bolivia once you actually go home?

Well, I'm so glad you asked that, random reader - who more-than-likely is really my mother (hey, Mom) - and here is the answer:

Top Ten Things I Will Miss From Bolivia

1. Salteñas

How to describe salteñas to someone who has never had one? For my British readers, they're *kinda* like a Cornish pasty…but not really. For my American readers, they're kinda like…nothing we really have at home. Unless you count shepherds' pie, which we also stole from the British. A salteña is a baked pastry that is filled with meat (chicken or beef), egg, peas, potato, broth and spices. Here at Los Castores you can get dulce (sweet), normal (a little spice), or picante (spicy); the latter two come with an olive inside, but you can throw that away, because it's nasty. The first weekend at home when I wake up and shout ¡Salteña Sábado! (Salteña Saturday!) is going to be one of the biggest let-downs of my life. 

2. "Easy" International Travel

Having been raised in the United States but also having traveled quite a bit, I am constantly reminded of how much easier the rest of the world has it. Europeans, Central and South Americans and Asians all (generally) live in locations that are considerably more conducive to international travel. For example, on my two week break, I traveled to Perú and Chile (read about our adventures here:) and the flights cost me $525 round-trip, including taxes. For the same price I can fly 3/4 of the way to England and then get booted out of the emergency exit somewhere over the northern edge of the Atlantic. I would call 'not-fairsies' but I'm 24 and the people at ticketing usually look down on me for behavior such as that. The moral of the story is this: if you happen to live in a part of the world where you border several other countries, PLEASE take advantage and enjoy the easy travel; if you don't have that option, try your best to take a big trip to somewhere far-far away and then hit several countries in one vacation. You won't get to do it a lot, so do it right. 

Cue international backlash in: 3, 2, 1…

3. Getting to Call People 'Gordito'

In America, it is generally frowned upon to run around shouting 'fatty!' at people in life. However, in Bolivia (and other Spanish-speaking countries?) the word gordito or gordita  (literally 'chubby' or 'little fat one') can be considered a term of endearment. For example, spray-painted on a wall around the corner from my apartment are the words 'Te amo, gordita' which some pimply-faced 15-year-old presumably tagged for his beloved GF. Apparently this is actually a nice thing to do for a loved one….but maybe not your abuelita or your mother-in-law. 

4. Extremely Cheap Mani/Pedis

Not much to say here expect that manicures in Cochabamba cost 20 bolivianos (~$3) and pedicures cost 30 bolivianos (~$4.50). To put this into perspective, a polish change in Philadelphia costs about $8, a manicure about $15 and a pedicure about $25…and then you have to add a tip. Tipping here is a not customary and happens more often in restaurants than anywhere else. When I go big and get my hair cut and a mani/pedi, it sets me back 120 bolivianos, or one fairly-priced U.S. manicure and half the tip. 

5. Awkward Bi-Language Interactions

Sure, my Spanish is getting better and I can have conversations with friends and store clerks when I want/need to; however, living in a country where you are not fluent in the local lingo and most people don't speak English can pose its fair share of problems. See: trying to explain different vitamins at the pharmacy when you forgot to look up the Spanish word for calcium prior to your visit. For those of you out there with similar issues, Google image search is a godsend. Most South American countries import U.S. products if it is an uncommon item, so the packaging will look the same or similar and you can get your point across and not end up with foot creme when all you wanted was some St. John's Wort. 

6. Extremely Cheap Rent

When I lived in Philadelphia and I found a one-bedroom in the city for $725, I thought I'd really made it. Here I looked at several places, all somewhere around the Bs. 1,000-1,200 / month mark. In dollars that's about $150-175. Depending on your city and how nice the apartment is (and whether it is furnished or not), you might pay as much as $250. Now, given my $500 / month salary that kind of rent can be pretty steep, however, not unmanageable. In the end I found a house with an empty bottom floor and now I rent my own bedroom, mini-living room, kitchen and bathroom (plus storage space) for 550 bolivianos ($80) a month. Yeah, you read that right. But hey - don't forget the whopping 80 bolivianos I set aside for utilities in addition to my rent. That really breaks the bank. 

7. Silpancho

Bolivianos love, love, love their carbs. And silpancho is a perfect example. This dish comes with rice and thick-cut french fries on the bottom, a thinly-sliced piece of meat covering that and a fried egg on top. Add in the tiny sliced onions and you're golden. Plus, if you throw all that crap into a bun, you get trancapecho - another traditional meal with even more carbs! 

8. Extremely Cheap Cab Fares

Okay, so we know spa services and rent are cheap, but what about the taxi cabs? You're in luck, my friend, because not only are the taxi fares cheap and unmetered, they can sometimes be haggled down. This usually depends on the journey and number of passengers. A normal cab ride from one part of town to another will cost about 7-8 bolivianos; a ride to the bus station (10 minutes without traffic, 20 minutes in a jam) is about 15 bolivianos. The highest fare I have ever paid in Bolivia was in La Paz, where a taxi from the airport to the bus station (25-30 minutes) cost me 60 bolivianos. In Cocha things are a little cheaper than La Paz, so don't pay more than 10 bolivianos for a basic cab ride and always agree on a price with the driver before you get in.

9. Del Valle Juice

Bolivia proudly presents Jugo Del Valle (Juice of the Valley) to the masses! Well…to the Bolivian masses. These juices are hecho en Bolivia (made in Bolivia) and are delicious. As most Bolivians do not drink beer or wine with meals, juice becomes the most common beverage to see out at a restaurant. They come in a variety of flavors including manzana (apple), durazno (peach) and tumbo (a local fruit we don't have in the States, similar to passionfruit). 

10. My Awesome Pink Car Phone

Story time: so when I was first in Bolivia and it dawned on us that there was absolutely, unequivocally no way to make my iPhone work (thanks, Verizon), I had to go out to la cancha and buy a mobile phone with a SIM card. I browsed and I compared and eventually I settled on a practical model imported from China, which looks like this:

The headlights light up and when the phone turns on or off it makes a very loud revving noise. The phone also comes with one "non-ringtone ringtone" so when people call me it plays Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' because, damnit, I demand to be respected by my students and my colleagues. Who else thinks this phone did the trick? No one? Awesome…